A-Game Golf.com-Funny quotes and jokes about golf.
FUNNY QUOTES (GOLF)-
Funny quotes from golfers such as Tiger Woods, David Feherty, Lee
Trevino, and many others. Come back to visit us as we will keep the
funny golf quotes updated.
Funny Quotes***Golf Quotes***Funny Quotes
"I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler."
-David Feherty quotes
"His nerves. His memory. And I can't remember the third thing."
-Lee Trevino, on the three things that go as a golfer ages.
"To be truthful, I think golfers are overpaid. It's unreal, and I have
trouble dealing with the guilt sometimes."
-Colin Montgomerie
"The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and
billiard cues were allowed on the putting green."
-Ernest Hemingway quotes
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-Tiger Woods quotes
"It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball.
I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
-Hank Aaron
"Bumpy greens don't bother me anymore. Since I've become an
analyst, I don't see the problem."
-David Feherty funny quotes
"When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing
golf."
-Dave Stockton
On being asked, before his final round, what he had to shoot to win
the golf tournament- "The rest of the field."
-Roger Maltbie quotes
*Funny Quotes*Funny Golf Quotes*Funny Quotes*
Continue on for one funny quote after another
"Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you play golf before and
knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the
middle."
-Jackie Gleason
"If you think golf is relaxing, you're not playing it right."
-Bob Hope
"Worst haircut I've ever seen in my life. And I've had a few bad
ones. It looks like he (John Daly) has a divot over each ear."
-David Feherty quotes
"If you are going to throw a golf club, it is important to throw it
ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't waste energy going
back to pick it up."
-Tommy Bolt quotes
"Where I come from we have nine-to-ten months of bad weather,
then winter sets in. That’s why we’re so angry with each other but
love everyone else."
-David Feherty
"Golf. You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the
ball goes right. The lowest score wins. And on top of that, the
winner buys the drinks."
-Author Unknown
"I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name
in vain when I get up there."
-Bob Hope quotes
"I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people
who whisper."
-David Brenner (comedian)
"I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like
golf will. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game,
but they say you can get so sore at yourself that you forget to hate
your enemies."
-Will Rogers quote
“Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a
middle-aged man to a female bosom.”
-Michael Green
"Show me a man with a great golf game, and I’ll show you a man
who has been
neglecting something."
-John F. Kennedy quotes
When asked why he was moving to the U.S. to work as a golf
analyst. "Because I've already insulted everyone in Europe."
-David Feherty quote
"Pressure is playing for $10 when you don't have a dime in your
pocket."
-Lee Trevino quotes
*Funny Quotes*Funny Golf Quotes*Funny Quotes*
Carl Spackler (Bill Murray)-quote from the movie, "CaddyShack"-
"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I
get on as a looper at a course n the Himalayas. A looper, you know,
a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do
you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the
Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the
first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks
one- big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse,
right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says?
Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth
and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a
little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says,
"Oh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed,
you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me,
which is nice."
"Some Have Psychologists, Some Have Sportologists , I Smoke."
-Angel Cabrera (Winner 2007 U.S. Open )
"He dyed his hair black and grew a goatee. That's why he's playing
better, in my opinion."
-Gary McCord quote, speaking about P.G.A. Tour's Andrew Magee
"The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."
-Billy Graham
"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf."
- H. G. Wells
"Golf is a good walk spoiled."
-Mark Twain quotes
"Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much."
-Buddy Hackett
"Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn't float too well."
-Craig Stadler
*Funny Quotes*Funny Golf Quotes*Funny Quotes*
And the final stretch, funny quotes about golf continued.....
"I really don't enjoy playing this game at all anymore. You would have
to be a pervert to enjoy the sort of feelings that I went through out
there." -David Feherty, after winning a European Tour event in 1987
"I don't care to join any club that is prepared to have me as a member."
-Groucho Marx quotes
"A caddie is someone who accompanies a golfer and didn't see the golf
ball either."
-Anonymous
"I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I miss the putt. I make."
-Seve Ballesteros, explaining to a golf writer, who asked
the question, "how did you manage to 4-putt the 16th green?"
after the 1986 Masters Golf Tournament.
"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of
them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
-Lee Trevino quote
We hope you have enjoyed the funny golf quotes. Please check back
occasionally as we will continue to update the funny quotes with new ones.
Thanks
Don't forget, A-Game Golf is also a great source of funny golf jokes , as well as funny golf caddie commentary at, "Caddy Corner"
at our site. Please come back and check for more funny golf
quotes, golf jokes, and caddy quotes and remarks. We will be
adding new short funny jokes and funny quotes as well as
adding new golf caddy interviews.
Thank you for visiting. We hope you have enjoyed the funny quotes, jokes, and general golf humor. Stop by again as the funny jokes and humorous quotes will be updated as well as new questions posed to the professional golf caddies in "Caddy Corner".
