A-Game Golf.com-Funny quotes and jokes about golf.
"Funny golf jokes"
A selection of some of the funny golf jokes that we have
heard in golf's 19th hole or out on the golf course with
our usual foursome over the years. Come back and
check us out as we will update the jokes often.
Golf joke #1-
Hole In One
As a young man, Robert was an exceptional golfer. At the age of
26, however, he decided to become a priest, and joined a rather
peculiar order. He took the usual vows of poverty, chastity, but
his order also required that he quit golf and never play again. This
was particularly difficult for Robert, but he agreed and was finally
ordained a priest.
One Sunday morning, the Reverend Father Robert woke up and
realizing it was a beautiful and sunny spring day, he decided he just
had to play golf. So, he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling
sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the
Associate Pastor left the room, Father Robert headed out of town to a
golf course about fifty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't
accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was
Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while
looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not
going to let him get away with this, are you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not. "
Just then Father Robert hit the ball and it shot straight toward
the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
It was a 400 yard hole in one!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why
did you let him do that?"
The Lord smiled and replied,"Who is he going to tell?"
Mulligan, Defined
Definition of a Mulligan: An Irish gift to a Scottish game.
*Golf Jokes*Golf Jokes*Golf Jokes*
And now back to the funny golf jokes.........
Golf , Defined
Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by
the occasional miracle.
"I wish I could play my normal golf game....just once."
Golf is harder than baseball, in golf you have to play your foul balls.
If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the
snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip: Your life is in
trouble.
Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot,
rarely make the perfect shot.
The term "mulligan" is really a contraction of the phrase
"maul-it-again."
A "gimme" can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers...
neither of whom can putt very well.
An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you
play, it is always possible to get worse.
Golf is a hard game to figure out. One day you'll go out and slice
it and shank it, hit into all the sand traps and miss every green. The
next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.
I play in the low 80's. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
If your best golf shots are the practice swing and the "gimme putt",
you might want to reconsider this game.
Achieving a certain level of success in golf is only important if
you can finally enjoy the level you've reached after you've
reached it.
Golf is the only sport where your most feared opponent is you.
Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won't
work....and both are expensive.
The best wood in most golfer's bags is the pencil.
To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add
correctly.
In golf, some players tend to get confused with all the
numbers...they shoot a "six", yell "fore" and write "five".
Swing easy. Hit hard.
The Dentist
A golfer and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The golfer
said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one heck of a big hurry! I have
two golf buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play
golf . So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and
be done with it. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this sure is a very
brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to
kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The golfer turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey,
and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
Got There In Two
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing,
and hit his golf ball into a clump of trees.
The golfer found his golf ball and saw an opening between two
trees he thought he could hit through. He took another mighty
swing with his 3-wood and the ball hit a tree, bounced back,
hit him on the forehead, and killed him.
As the golfer approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him
coming and asked, "Are you a good golfer?"
And the golfer replied, "I Got here in two, didn't I?"
*Golf Jokes*Golf Jokes*Golf Jokes*
The Mulligan
An American went to Scotland and played golf with a newly acquainted It Was Too foggy to see Two dim-witted golfers are teeing off on a foggy par-3. They can One golf ball is about 4 feet from the cup, while the other found They decided to ask the old golf pro to decide their fate. After Golfers Two long time golfers, standing on the 12th tee box of the local golf The Pope met with the Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon
Scottish golfer.
After a bad tee shot, he played a "Mulligan" which was an
extremely good one. He then asked the Scottish golfer,
"What do you call a Mulligan in Scotland?" The Scot replied,
"We call it 3 ."
see the flag, but not the green. The first golfer hits his ball into
the fog and the second golfer does the same. They proceed to
the green to find their golf balls.
it's way into the cup for a hole-in-one. Both were playing the same
type of golf ball and couldn't determine which ball was which.
congratulating both golfers on their fine golf shots, the golf pro
asks, "Which one of you was playing the yellow one ?"
course, looking over the river, noticed two gentlemen fishing. One
golfer looked to the other and said, "Look at those idiots fishin'
in the rain."
*Golf Jokes*Golf Jokes*Golf Jokes*
Cardinal Nicklaus
Peres, leader of the Jewish nation. "Your holiness," said one of the
Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are
superior by challenging you to a golf match."
The Pope was greatly disturbed as he had never held a golf club in
his life. "Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk
to Jack Nicklaus . We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play golf against
Shimon Peres....we can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made, and, of
course, Jack was honoured and agreed to play golf.
The day after the golf match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to
inform the Pope of his success. "I came in second, your Holiness,"
said Nicklaus.
"Second!?" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to
Shimon Peres!!??"
"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Palmer ."
Don't swear in front of a priest
Fred had tried to be particularly careful about his language as he
played golf with his priest. But on the twelfth hole, when he twice
failed to hit his golf ball out of a sand trap, he lost his resolve and
let fly with a string of expletives.
The priest felt obliged to respond. "I have observed," he said in
a calm voice, "that the best golfers do not use foul language."
"I guess not," said Fred, "what the hell do they have to swear about?"
Be sure to come back and check out the funny golf jokes again as they
will be updated. Be sure to tell these golf jokes out on the golf
course with your playing companions. It is certainly more fun
to laugh than to stare at the five-some on the green in front
of you!!!
Now that you have enjoyed the funny golf jokes, have a look at the
funny quotes at Funny Quotes About Golf . Then, click to check out the
funny and insightful commentary of the professional golf caddie at
"Caddy Corner".
Click to visit the "Talkin' Golf" forum.
We hope you enjoy the funny quotes and funny jokes about
golf at our site. Please come back and check for more funny
golf quotes, golf jokes, and caddy quotes and remarks. We
will be adding new short funny jokes and funny quotes as
well as adding new golf caddy interviews.
Thank you for visiting. We hope you have enjoyed the funny quotes, jokes, and general golf humor. Stop by again as the funny jokes and humorous quotes will be updated as well as new questions posed to the professional golf caddies in "Caddy Corner".
